Dirty Jokes in Fairy Grottos

This going to sounds absolutely crazy, I promise you, but... whenever I promise someone something, it always feels like an empty promise. I have every intention of fulfilling that promise, but it's like some small part of me, tucked away up the back where the lights don't quite reach, some little splinter of my self that doesn't ever socialise with the Greater Self, knows best. He (or she) adds a few tiny drops of despair to the final concoction to just-wrongly flavour the pronouns and verbs; they taste like salt afterwards, and they curl down out of my mouth under the weight of their doubts.

He (or she) doesn't even believe you'll think this is crazy; just par for the course.

K gave me a Dreamwidth account so I'm testing the crossposter.

Hmm, that sounds almost like a weapon when I put it that way.

"Men, load your crossposters and get out onto the field ASAP. We have enemy trolls closing, so lay down supressing fire and keep our flamers safe while they load up on retorts!"

"Yes, Sir!"

It would be like a crossbow, except that the arrow-holder would be replaced by a tube of glowiness that shot angst and poetry and myspace photos when on one setting, rants and rage and angry faces on another, and embedded youtube videos of up-and-comers in the musicworld.

I can't imagine it being particularly effective on the field.

(I'm really wishing I could crosspost to SpiderSpun from here too. That would make things a lot easier :( )

http://www.eyezmaze.com/chronon/v0/index.html

That is link to a flash game from a pretty awesome developer whose name may or may not be ON. He has been developing flash games for X years, and his GROW concept is, in my opinion, 100% awesome. Each GROW game has a set of objects to be entered into the game environment, and one object is entered each turn. Each successive turn sees these objects grow by one level until it is fully developed. The object of the game is to enter the objects in the right order, not only so that they have enough time to mature, but so that they interact with the other objects in the appropriate manner. This is the one I started with and, compared to the Chronon game above, it is easy.

The Chronon game is not a part of the GROW series, though it does feature Curious Yellow Humanoid and Egg Fairy Thing from other GROW games (Curious Yellow Humanoid is pretty standard, though Egg Fairy Thing is, I think, Egg Fairy Thing Mark 2). The objective behind Chronon is to release the little yellow golem (or Curious Yellow Humanoid as I have dubbed him/her/cer) from captivity in the happy ending. I assume this is with a score of 100/100. Sadly though I've only been able to get to 76/100, and I don't even know how I did that! I can only get back to 72/100 now. Personally I think the key to getting beyond that point is to figure out how to cook the ingredients, but... I seem to have hit a wall; who knew you couldn't bake by the light of a mirror?

Soon-to-be 21yo male seeks like-minded individual to occasionally bounce ideas off.

I would love to post that somewhere on LJ. However, there are two problems with it:
1) it doesn't say what my mind is like
2) I have no place to post it
3) it's vaguely sexual

I would rather use my brother, because he is a nerd with a freakish memory and has a love for sci-fi (Stars Trek, Wars, and -gate, Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes... um, probably more?), but I think I wear him out. My stuff isn't really the best science (exotic particles to the rescue! though given tonight's discussion, I think he at least appreciates that I have some level of reasoning behind my pseuodmagic), and he isn't a writer, so I don't think he likes it when I try to fudge the fine details for art's sake (not that you have to be a writer, just... I think it would help if he were. It'd help me explain stuff, I think, by requiring fewer explanations... or perhaps by allowing more). Still, I value his input, even when he threatens to bring my precious Engine crumbling to it's knees by telling me I can't have Perpetual Lightning, no, it just isn't possible. At least not in the form I had originally intended - I require another element to create a circuit so that I can continuously recharge the storm clouds with the lightning it is discharging.

I really just wanted to tell him "Ok, look; there's this ring, right? And a ring is a circle, yeah, which is a symbol of eternity. So you introduce a 'semi-intelligent exotic particle that augments the properties of things' to the mix and it takes this symbol of eternity and transforms it into a ring with the Property of Perpetuity, cool? And then you get this guy to wear the ring and the Property is extended to him, because he's wearing it, right, and the human body has its own energy field, yeah, and the ring's Property's energy is extended to, and gets lost in, that field, cool? And then the dude gets struck by lightning. But it doesn't kill him, no, 'cause he's Perpetual, see? And that means he's basically immortal. Except it isn't quite that he's immortal; he is Perpetual. And now, so is the lightning that's struck him, because the energy from the stroke of lightning is a perfect conductor for the same energy that extends Perpetuity to the guy. So now he's Perpetually Struck By Lightning. And now all I need to figure out is how to keep the lightning going in a way that conforms with basic physics, yeah?"

Except his answer was sort of no. But in a way that I got to talk to him about it for an hour. And it wasn't all a waste, 'cause now I know I need another artefact to somehow create a circuit. Which is kind of annoying actually because I was going to have an artefact with Loop as one of my 37 Properties (except I couldn't think of one, so I changed it to Perpetuity argh!).

I'm pretty sure that if I suggest electron genesis using Replication, Adam will find a way to shoot me down. Say that lightning is a dump of all a cloud's electrons, or that the charge would find another path through which it could be discharged because the first wasn't doing it. Or something.

Also, I just realised that I can't actually have the guy getting struck by lightning; he's Perpetual, which means he can't die, but which also means he's constantly in the same state - he doesn't get older, he can't be hurt (try cutting him with a dagger, I dare ya; it'll slide right over his skin), and his body certainly couldn't be part of a circuit because the electrons wouldn't be able to get "in"; they'd basically just travel around him as if he were the most efficient insulator ever. Being struck by lightning would, to over simplify everything about being struck by lightning, change the state of his body's charge (if nothing else), and he can't be changed while wearing the ring. So there goes that instance of Perpetual Lightning; good thing I still have some tricks up my sleeve.

I'm still sick. It came back last night, after going into hibernation for about six hours. It would seem that my health is strongly linked to the position of the sun in the sky, or perhaps the the amount of daylight in my vicinity; sick at night/early morning, healthy in the afternoon.

But enough about that. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I started thinking about the Project and all the things I can do with it. Because that's basically the point of it; it's an exercise in ingenuity / mixing blue and yellow to create a magical shade of green with the property of Healing / fun with "magic" science.

I have a couple of plot ideas I want to explore. And there are a couple of scenes that I have to write (mainly a big battle scene: enemy troops and air ships with actual weapons against the Handlers with their artefacts, with support from the Engine). But there are things I have to work out before I can do any of them. That's the problem with creating a new world from scratch, I think; you have to set up the rules as you go, based on what you encounter. But you also don't always know what you CAN encounter until you have some rules set up. It's a little bit Catch 22ish; you need one to create the other, but you need the other to build the one.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep*, so I got out my sketch pad and my list of artefacts and I started thinking. And I started ingenuing. And I started mixing blues with yellows. And then I drew a cat for some reason, but then I got back to the task at hand and started having fun with my pseudomagic. I came up with a way for the Random Generators to be used safely inside the dome from outside, without damaging the dome itself, and without killing the User by creating a toxic environment. I decided it would be easier for the User to create lots of tiny rock golems and then use Grow or Amplify to, basically, turn them into War Golems. There was also the idea that I could probably create sonic weaponry using a pitchfork, a sock and a mirror.

But it didn't stop there; I started asking myself some questions. If your opponents temporarily lost gravity on the battlefield, would that not be awesome? And if you had a way of making lightning strike perpetually - not just repeated strikes, but making the same strike last forever - wouldn't that be an amazing alternate energy source? Weapon? Way to fuck up weather patterns? ('Cause if you've got lightning continuously striking, it has to be continuously recharging, and clouds charge by moving around a lot, so you'd need lots of motion in the one spot... it'd be like a cloud running on a treadmill, but at super speed.) Not to mention the havoc it would wreck on the local electromagnetic field, creating a super(-) along the arc of lightning (or would it just be at the point of discharge?) and a super(+) in the area surrounding the cloud.

And that was really just for the battle scene. I still have heaps of ideas for when the artefacts are basically let to roam free through the outpost and the hilariously devastating consequences thereof. The possessions will be most fun, I think.

Writing introductory material is boring though. I already know all of this stuff; I created it! I just want to jump ahead to the good bits. Aaaaaargh!




*Actually, that's just an excuse; to be honest, I was trying to incur another Project-based dream by going to sleep still thinking about it / saturating my brain with it. I'm such a greedy little so'n'so - like two nights of dreams in a row isn't enough? I just wish I could remember more of the specifics of the second nights' dreams - I know they were fantastic and full of action and detail and Projecty goodness, but the only real specific I can remember is scene with a bunch of metal panels, six of them I think, full of wires and stuff, attached in six-pack formation, each one representing a different artefact. One of them was Storm (Lightning). The six-pack was flying, and I think there was someone below it. My view of the scene was bird's eye, and the scene itself seems, in memory, like a screenshot from a computer game. There may also have been running through a hall. And someone twisting, dying. But I'm not sure.

I'll start from the ones that are most like "I'm creeped out because he was sober when he fell for me and made out with me" and move to the ones more like "ow".

- last night's dream was about 85% Project: Ether Engine, with plot after plot after plot, and it was glorious and it spells my impending doom. (The other 15% was dreaming about drinking with work people (without ever actually getting my drink), trying to fix one of their pokemon games, and once again being the only one at work to actually BE working.)
- I just spent only about four lines writing about my dreams.
- it's 8:30, and I am fully awake; I've already done the "that dream was fun, let's go back to it" routine that I usually do several times a morning.
- last night, I suddenly realised that I have no idea who I am - other people have specialties and are GOOD at them, and defining characteristics, and are near-complete people; I can't think of anything like that that actually applies to me. Not in a good way, anyway.
- I woke up with a headache. Actually, more of a base-of-skull ache. And I was sweaty. And there were no nightmares to explain it. So I thought I was sick.
- Now, my throat hurts. And I'm kinda tingly all over, where by "tingly all over", I actually mean "the aches have spread everywhere". And all I want to do is go back to bed but OH MY GOD I CAN'T because it's 8:30, I am fully awake, and this is clearly an omen of my impending doom.

...artses.

All of these were inspired by a somewhat floralish tablecloth. Just so you know.


This was supposed to be creepier. It's supposed to look like he's just sprung up from behind the rocks, a bit of a Mr Wolf to your Red Riding Hood as you walk through... well, a rocky area. A canyon, perhaps? I dunno. All I do know is that he pops up from behind rocks and asks if you'd like a flower. The fact that a suspiciously similar flower seems to be growing from his head raises questions about the origins of the flower on offer. Sure, he's short, but why isn't his hand above the "counter"? Also, you never trust lizards wearing sun glasses; they're shady.


A pensive wererabbitchicken. They've got seriously good balance these guys, and even better spring-action legs. And those talon-like claws? Dudes, you do not want to be at the receiving end of a wererabbitchicken's handshake. (also, I hate shadows. I don't know why I started adding them to be honest. They always turn out horrible.)


This one is for K. I don't know why. It just feels like it should be dedicated to K. And when your art starts giving off vague vibes like this, you should never ignore it. Basically, these peaches grow on trees and sprout baby heads. They cry a lot. They don't eat a lot. And they don't tend to survive the falling from the tree a lot. Thought to be good use as a fertility fruit in the early ages, it's actually more like The Pill - when you eat the peach, the baby-sprouting-stuff also gets eaten and tricks the body into thinking that you're pregenant SO NO MORE BABIES FOR YOU JUST YET OK.

Edit: ooooh it might be because of the Great Narnian Lubrication Debate, mixed with Highly's Quest To Find The Narnian Pill, and K's blood oranges. Maybe. (quite likely)

There may be more later...

I got a call back for that job.

I declined; I found out what they do.

Why is it so hard to find a job?!

... in which we find out why.

A Chapter To Start A Panic By