Dirty Jokes in Fairy Grottos

... in which paranoia hits.

So... last night was the concert. It was so much better than I thought it would be. Dread was completely and utterly the wrong emotion to be experiencing in the lead up to the event - it was better than Requiem. Because, duh, I'm we're awesome.

However, either just before we went on, or on my way back from intermission mingling, I heard Crazy Eyes talking to his parents. From what I accidentally overheard (I swear it an accident - as if I would purposely pay attention to him or his non-awesome insanity), I think one of those "so is there any chance" questions was posed. The bit of his answer that I just-as-accidentally caught was "no, he's too nice of a guy". It may have just been coincidence that he was facing me at the time, and I know I tend to jump to conclusions about him (even though every conclusion thus far has been both warranted and correct!), but I can't seem to shake the feeling that he was talking about me.

I HAVE A TINY BOWTIE AND IT HAS GIVEN ME AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX! Because it was from when I was like 12 and therefore could sort of hide beneath my collar. My only other optio nwas velvet. I chose the cute inferiority complex.

I really hope he isn't doing carolfest. That'd totally suck. I think I'd have to go and become a Tenor. At least then I'd be able to hang around Patrick more often... if he ever decides to come back. And even if not, there'd still be Ben and Doug to play with. Plus, Aunty Mark is over there now... sigh, the life of a bass always looked so glamorous in the magazines. Also, what was with Aunty Mark not being as confident last night as he usually is? That was really quite disconcerting. Even Crazy Eyes was losing it at times.

But back to the paranoia, I don't get why he'd be saying I was too nice a guy. For what? To tell him to his face, again, that I'm not interested, because that'd break his heart? 'Cause, clearly he doesn't know me very well - I would totally tell him if he brought it up. I wouldn't just come out and say "Hey, I know you like me like me, but please fuck off and die" because that'd be way harsh. Also, I don't know for a fact that he does; it's all circumstantial at this point, still/again. And, yeah, I can't think of any other reason why I'd be too nice. Perhaps it wasn't about me; perhaps this time it really IS just paranoia.

He was doing the weird Lets Look Stare At David While He's Conveniently Not Looking At Me And Never Wonder Why It Is That Our Eyes Don't Ever Meet Ever Ever Ever.

Ever.

Despite The Fact That He Must Be Able To See Me Out Of The Corner Of His Eye thing again last night, though. And on stage! Crazy Eyes, when will you learn?

Sigh. Please let this be the last time I feel the need to be a whiney bitch about Crazy Eyes, on LJ or anywhere else! Otherwise... yeah, it's Tenor Time.

PCP afterwards was fun though. I'm SOOOOOO glad kayloulee came along!! It is fun to get drunk in your presence. Or tipsy, even, whichever it was (I tend to exaggerate my drunkenness when I get tipsy). Thankfully I had nothing on this morning though otherwise that hangover would have been shocking to work through. Instead, I slept through it. It was a relatively short one, too - I was awake by 10 am! But yes, I was made much glad that you came and partook in the pub-y-ness. :D

Hmmm... I really don't like abrupt endings to lj posts.

... in which there is campitude.

Camp was this weekend. Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Both awesomely good and horribly bad things happened while I was on camp. The horribly bad should have been expected, but there I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. That'll learn me.

For the badness, I'm going to start at Wednesday.

Crazy Eyes (aka David Who's Always There) hasn't been coming to rehearsals because he's been otherwise entangled with opera and musical rehearsals of his own. Given that I'd been struggling with the lack of other Basses this semester, I was rather glad when he came back. For purely selfish reasons, mainly that I'd be able to sing my part despite The Gremlin singing slightly off-key in my ear, and despite all the other basses singing in front of me where I can't hear them. He made it pretty clear he wanted me to stay around for pub after rehearsal, offering me a lift home so I could stay after 10:30 (my usual departure time). So I accepted out of gratitude. Mistake, me thinks*. As he was dropping me off, he offered me a lift down to camp, making it clear that it was out of his way but that he was willing to do it anyway. Again, I accepted for selfish reasons - I didn't want to have to get the train down and I didn't know who else to ask from SUMS who'd actually be closer and less of a creepy stalker. Again, mistake. Not only because he was late, but because I think it gave him the wrong impression. I accept blame for this, but for nothing after this.

Anyway, he drove us down and it was kinda awkward. When I saw we were going past a certain suburb, I had to message frozen_icehart to let him know and then decided to keep my phone out the whole time so as to appear like I couldn't talk to Crazy Eyes, as opposed to appearing like I didn't want to. Then we got to camp where I tried to go to my dorm (with The Clique) and "let" him go to the other dorm downstairs. Clearly he ignored all the signals and hints on purpose because it was made pretty damn clear that the bed under mine (they're all bunks) was for Hannah. "Oh, I'll just stay here for now and if she decides later I'll move". DUDE! Hannah would never kick you out she's far too nice for that, and we were clearly trying to because we aren't but we have tact. Take a hint. Get a clue. Move on! Especially if it means not sharing a room with five people who cannot stand you.

So I started avoiding him. I'd been picking up the signs for a while over MSN that he wasn't quite as moved on from his love for me (I can't believe he told our dorm while I wasn't there that he used to be in love with me. Those are their words, too, not mine) as he would otherwise suggest; this just sealed it.

The Staring While David(me) Isn't Looking started up again Saturday, too. So I started avoiding him again.

As I came out of the showers dressed in my themed outfit (sci-fi/fantasy theme, for which I went as a Man in Black), I was heavily complimented by the girlsquad. Crazy Eyes' response was "orgasmic!". So I avoided him more.

He sang during OUR PART, the Small Group Only section, of which he is NOT a member, for which you must AUDITION! which made me quite angry. So I avoided him more. I also began to loathe him. Because prolonged avoidance in small quarters is bound to lead to rage and despising.

Also, when he sings the Bass Soloist's parts (which anyone is allowed to do because we don't have the Soloists with us on camp or at rehearsals but which I'd still prefer he left alone) he has this really affected voice. It's quite horrible. So I loathed him a little more for that.

But there were good things, too. Despite having to share a dorm with Crazy Eyes, I got to share the dorm with The Clique. Marina and Minna are absolutely gorgeous, Paul is not as scary as he seems at first glance, Roman is surprisingly cool for a music nerd (did I seriously just say that?) and Kenny... she's tough, but she's lovable and sweet once you get in. Saturday night, we stayed up until 2ish I think talking and asking each other various camp(not the gay one)/girly/gossipy questions - who are your top 5, who would you go straight/gay/oopposite-of-bi for, etc. There was also a round of Shoot/Shag/Marry. While I wasn't there, the Three Davids were presented as candidates for S/S/M, and I was unanimously Married**. I like that - means I'm Long Term quality in their eyes, Shag being a one night stand.

There were also many comments made about the new hair. I had my hair cut a little over a week ago, and at the last Small Group rehearsal it was unveiled, with warm reception. Or perhaps "with hot reception" would be more appropriate :P It just kept coming up, too. Then, while at camp, it was voted on and "everyone" loves it. Not sure who Marina counted in "everyone", but I'm guessing at least The Clique and possibly Hannah as well. That was one of the first things I was told when I arrived.

Saturday night Hannah and I performed I Can See Clearly Now. We both sang, and she played ukulele. 'Twas awesomely. And we were rather well received. I had had a bit to drink though, as had The Clique, so... I dunno how good I really was. I guess I'll have to wait for the video that Kenny apparently took of us.

Afterwards, once everyone had pulled out the song books and started a sing-along (sigh), Marina, Paul and I were sitting back against the wall and, once again, the question of why I don't have a boyfriend came up. The two of them (along with the other three) remain confused as to why. But the reason I mention it here is because... Paul said I was da bomb :) Paul The Scary Ogre who hates us all*** because he has perfect pitch and we assault him weekly with our voices. Paul The Scary Straight Ogre who gets hit on frequently by gay guys. Paul who I wasn't sure even liked me. Thinks I'm da bomb. He was a bit drunk though... meh, still.

I think that SUMS is now my personal Cheer Squad. How did I get this popular?



* Also, he stole my chips. He said he was allowed because he was giving me a lift home. I didn't want to argue seeing as he was giving me a lift home and I didn't really want it to be awkward all the way home, but what I should have said was "Dude, you're giving me a lift, which I do appreciate, but I'm sticking around at pub so you can give me a lift. That IS your payment! Me!" I know it sounds rather self-everything, but it's true. My presence was payment. And you'd think that he'd get the point after I make a rather obvious show about it, while saying that Kevin was allowed, or at least not ho into them at quite the same speed.

** Crazy Eyes was done good shotted unanimously, too, I think. Or at least just-about-unanimously. Certainly my pick for Shoot.

*** Paul who doesn't actually hate us all, just the seal-clubbers. And Crazy Eyes. And Siu Jin (I think that's how you spell her name), the last concert manager who got drunk on her own lack of power and insulted half the musical community, nearly ruining that concert.

... in which David is his own lubricant.

Julius Caesar was tonight. As was work, but work was pretty much just the regular, with one small addition; Lynn and I worked out the compulsory criteria for the next two employed peoples:

• his - attractive uni-aged female of Catholic nature who doesn't mind being the object of attention, possibly more...


• mine - gay/bi/curious/open-minded-and-very-willing-to-flirt-like-Kurtis male, also of an attractive nature bit without the added Catholicism....

Was earlier to JC than I thought I would be. Was surprised to find two extra SUMSites there - Roman and Kenny of The Clique. Was interested to find that The Ex's Current was in it (though, according to Kenny, I am much pretty than he is :D). Was also interested to find that JC was a woman, as were Antony, Ocatvaius and... that other one. Was disturbed by the amount of laughing by both highlyeccentric and kayloulee at all the slash-able material they were gathering.

Back at the women's college, there was tea, followed by several layers of Harry Potter debates, the etymology of Kinokuniya, and lots of Old/Middle English/French/Japanese stuff I didn't get. As well as many other things, of course, like the discussion of shampoo and it's non-uses as a sexual lubricant, which somehow led to my saying something mistaken for a claim that I am my own lubricant... I forget the words now, though, as it is late.

Actually, that's a lie - it isn't too late for me to be remembering life properly. However, three things happened after leaving Amy's that are kind of trumping attempts at Memory Recall. Thing the First is that I was a little bit murdered by a tree, who tried to drop a branch on me, B, and areyoustrange (which upon reflection was probably a fair rection to my wish of seeing a country shop of trees... like, a shop that sells trees, in the country, but not a nursery... just nod and smile) but only managed to flick my elbow a little. Thing the Second is the creepy cab driver who I could have sworn was giving me the eye - first he said I was sick because of "too much sex, probably", then asked if I had a girlfriend (and why not) and looked me up and down, and then asked how old I was. Thing the Third is that I jammed myself out when I got home - I suddenly had a craving for jam, and I succumbed to it. I hope it is clear why I cannot for the moment remember things.

Also, I had a couple of ideas for more comics, but I forgot them too. Hopefully I'll remember before long. Because the world needs more comics featuring stick figures with sentient, sadistic, sometimes-phallic anthropomorphic jam. Actually, that's what this post was going to be - the 'etymology', if you will, of jam, for Highly's sake. Basically, I was having a midnight snack ( !! that was one of the ideas!! OSM!!) of jam on cold fridge!bread, when I realised I use far more jam than anyone else in the house per serving. This led to the exclamation "I am a jam monster!" which conjured images of little children running into a jam monster in the middle of the forest, which in turn conjured images of said events occuring in a children's comic strip, like Jessica Monster's (either / or). I figured I would be able to do something along those lines (though probably not exactly a kid's comic, more one along the lines of Pictures For Sad Children), so I have challenged myself to come up with one comic for every week of this semester. I will probably post two next week, instead of one tomorrow.

Finally, Kay, do you happen to know what Will The New Attractive Bass plays in the orchestra?

Note for B (and Are You Strange): The hand gesture after "S and/or M" was an underline-come-full-handed-pointing-between-two-choices, not anything sus involving friction and/or lubricant.

... in which David performs for the Masses.

Photographical Proofings - you will probably have to be my friend to view it though.

or just look here:


CONCERT HAPPENED! AND SUCCESSFULLY! (perhaps not financially, though... :s)

It was actually pretty shoddy compared to the rehearsals, but oh well. No one not in SUMS seemed to notice, so I'm not complaining. In fact, apart from my parents (who very tactful and blamed the soprano soloist :P), no one even seemed to notice the problems I did. YAY!

But before that I went to see The Orphanage with some SUMSters. It was good. I rate Pan's Labyrinth higher (it's the same director), but it was good nonetheless. Not going to spoil anything except this: it's in Spanish; it has subtitles. Little graphic at times, but then again, so was Pan's.

But yes, the concert. Isaac and David were both late!! and I was worried they wouldn't be turning up at all. There'd have been no way I could sing properly without them there to almost balance out the Michael in my ears. They did turn up though (as the photo shows - they're right behind me)* thank god.

We had to practice sitting, standing and walking, which was frustrating because it's not really that hard. You sit, or you stand, or you walk. What else is there to do? How hard is it to not fuck up?

Concert started and I had no idea where anyone was in the audience - couldn't see friends, couldn't see family. I did see other people trying to get other SUMSters' attention though, and this made me smile. Don't know why, really, but I think it's kinda sweet, even if they weren't trying to get my attention.

Concert came, concert went, and it was good. Many hugs were given and received. I was picked up twice in hugs - once by Patrick, once by Isaac - the second time for longer and with flailing about, which was actually a little demeaning because I felt like a rag doll.

Met up with Amy, Kelly and Kurtis afterwards and had drinks at Starbar. Beer is now $4.40 there, which is nearly enough to make me want to not drink anymore. There were interesting conversations all around, as is usual with that crowd. Mainly centred on sex, as is also usual. There was also trashy, trashy dancing. Yeehah! Amy and Kurtis had to go home, but Kelly came with me to the Post Concert Party. It took us a while to find York Street, but we managed after a bum-steer by a taxi driver. I felt the need to jaywalk a couple of times, at potentially dangerous intervals, but I had a plan - I would tell any on-coming cars that Kelly was pregnant and that they therefore could not run her over, nor myself by association. We would, then, of course, be safe.

Post Concert Party happened, but Hannah, Patrick, Isaac, Cat and Bernie didn't. So apart from the rest of the SUMSters who showed up, it was Kelly, myself and The Clique for most of the night, plus Ben The President - a fine combination of people. I learnt the name of the girl who is always around Patrick when I see him (he never actually introduced us; the rudeness). David was there, and I pointed him out to Kelly, who not-so-ninja-like-ly scoped him out. I didn't actually get a chance to speak to him while there, which is sad, because I didn't get to talk to him after the concert and I didn't get to say goodnight to him at the PCP. I didn't have much more to drink there, in fact I think my total for the night was 4 beers (and I bought Marina a drink for her birthday), but I was tipsy enough due to my lack of dinner to start flirting obscenely with the straight male friends... well, just Ben really. I actually feel more guilty about that than I ever did with Lynn or Jake, because Ben is so pure and innocent. :s

As I said, I spent a lot of the night with the Clique and Ben. The topic of most interest seemed to be Isaac and myself, and the wide-spread belief that I can do better. I really am not sure how to take this: I realise it's meant to say that I'm too good for Isaac and that I should be flattered that they think so highly of me, but... some part of me can't help feeling that, not only is it slack to him, it's slack to me because they're basically insulting my taste. Kenny's first words to me at the PCP (I think) were "So, you like Isaac, huh?", to which I reply "Um.. maybe?", because honestly I'm not sure. Kelly's advice was to "try before you buy", but.. that really isn't me. And apparently Kenny's been told that Isaac likes me, which is not surprising given his behaviour, but it isn't exactly verifiable or even something I should really be taking into account at this stage - I'm still trying to figure out whether I Like him. All the flaws and faults they were picking out in him (bar one - the hair factor) were things I haven't seen, heard, or otherwise noticed, self-obsession being the main one, so I don't know what to think of them. I just feel so comfortable around him, like I could snuggle into him for hours. I don't know. I should probably leave well enough alone and just remain friends with him if I'm this unsure and just see what happens.

Sigh.

The Clique, Ben, Kelly and I all left together about 2am and got McDonalds, then either got a cab (Marina, Ben, Kelly and I, and I think I actually somehow made a profit there :s) or buses (Roman and Kenny, and Minna and Paul) home. It was a good night. A very good night.


_____
* B and Miss Amy, if you could see my head, you could probably see Isaac and David behind me. I just wanted to point out that, yes, they are the people I've been posting about.

... in which David is enthralled by both himself and others.

I have my Hot Nerd-y Clark-Kent-undressing-into-Superman outfit just about complete. I can go as is, but I want thicker glasses than my own. Also, I really wanted to take a picture, but my phone was nowhere near. Sadness.

I had a couple of beers this afternoon at the Ashy with Work Peeps, but the kitchen area was closed, so no lunch for me :( So, when I got home and found a superman teeshirt lying on my stairs, due to my being rather a lot more gay when tipsy, I got rather excited and started trying on different combinations of pants and shirts (with the hair) to get some feedback. But, of course, I was all prancy and gay. My mum even called herself a "straight chick"... it was weird, but I was proud of her for finally accepting it and coming out of the closet. I'm gonna try and be really supportive of her straightness, even though I know it's like totally against everything I believe in. It's just like... whatever!

Last night I watched Boy Culture. It's the confession of a gay hustler, who has two room-mates and they're all hot and it's like "porn without the sex". Except it's actually good. Like, honestly, it's an awesome movie, with a real message to gay guys. It should be mandatory for all fresh male queers to watch this movie - we'd all be better off for it. Not so much for fresh female queers, because the movie assumes they have it easier: "Lesbians have got it right. Yeah, they've got all that dyke drama, but that's because they actually give a shit". I mean, it's good for anyone to watch (I assume, not being you I can't say for sure, but...), it's just that the messages are more focused on gay guys. The actual story is gorgeous, sad, tender, loving, hot, and just really really home-hitting. At least for me. I seriously want everyone to watch it if you can find it. I know it's a GAY movie, but it's not a gay-only movie.

Anyway, that's enough for now. I have to go and do assignments now. :(

... in which I relate parts of three dreams. And three other things.

The first dream was three nights ago, and I only remember a small portion of it near the end. I was me, and I was outside my house on my street at night, looking down towards the park at the bottom of our street. My brother was there, too, but he was still up on the veranda(h?), while I was on the grass. All of a sudden a white van with people poking out of non-existant windows brandishing bottles of wine and yelling drives past, and they throw a lit bottle at my next door neighbour's yard, hitting their gazeboed entrance gate thing (he's a builder, so it's all fancy and stuff). I'm just standing there watching it go up in flames, burning away, and then everything starts to warp and distort, like wonky mirrors at a carnival (or in the kids department at the shoe store in Ashfield).

The second dream, from two nights ago, was a mix of musicals and a recurring motif of overcoming a particularly embarrassing fear. My family (plus my aunt) were at the Rockdale Town Hall, where the Regals Musical Society performs (and where I've done two shows with them, for those playing at home). I soon found that this location was a mashup though - outside the hall was like a warehouse so there was no front of house area, and when I took the door stage right of the stage it led to an enormous underground system of toilets and hand-washing stations. I was running away from someone when I entered. And I'm not telling what the fear is.

The third dream was this morning's. It featured me pulling The Ex aside and telling her I'm gay. Well, first we talked about how we stopped talking. Then I told her I'm gay, so it was probably a good thing we stopped going out. She was more than a little angry. Also, there were a couple of school friends in there, and... well, I'm not sure how that all worked out - I remember talking to them, and I remember they reacted to my presence, I just can't remember if they were indifferent or rude, or if it was my own reaction that was indifferent or rude.

Anyway, the other three things:

One. On the 31st of May and the 1st of June, the choir I'm in, SUMS (Sydney University Musical Society) will be having its first concert of the year. I will be performing. We're doing Mozart's Requiem and two Handel pieces. It's going to be held at St Andrew's Cathedral (because they overbooked us for the Great Hall and kicked us out). I honestly have no idea how tickets are to be aquired, so I have to find this out.

Two. From the 9th to the 11th of May, I will be on camp for said performance. We're going down to Heathcote and spending the weekend practicing. There will be alcohol, superhero costumes (the theme of Saturday night's festivities) and at least one practice.

Three. I have a very busy weekend coming up. I'm going to have to cancel work tomorrow so I can get all my assignments done. I'm going to Theodora's place on Saturday to celebrate her boyfriend's birthday while he's here in Australia. I haven't met the boy, but neither has anyone else going as far as I'm aware, apart from Theo, obviously. I wonder what I should get him, or if getting him anything would be weird seeing as I don't know him... :S I just keep thinking of that scene from The Gilmore Girls...

Four. Because I forgot what Three was and had to improvise, but then remembered what it was. My aunt came 'round a little while ago and gave me Brokeback Mountain on DVD. YUS! I love this movie. But assignments beckon, so I shouldn't watch it just yet. :(

Oh, and for fun:


http://view.break.com/487616 - Watch more free videos